Why “Just Relax!” is dumb advice

The problem is not that you forgot to relax. The problem is you don’t feel safe to relax

If you’ve been dealing with chronic stress, anxiety and panic for a long time, there’s a high chance you’ve had a well-meaning friend, family member or partner smack you on the shoulder and say “Hey, just relax!”

They were probably wearing a big goofy grin when they said it. And if you felt an urge to punch them right in that big goofy grin, you wouldn’t be the only one

The reality is, if you could “just relax” you would have done it already. The problem is not that you forgot to relax. The problem is you don’t feel safe to relax. Your brain needs a foundation of safety before it will tell its troops to stand down.

Anxiety is not a mental health disorder. It is not caused by a brain chemistry imbalance. What we call anxiety is a collection of symptoms that result from your brain and nervous system getting stuck in a chronic fear response.

In resilience,
Caitlin